2017 came in with a Bang

Hi everybody!

2017 came in with a bang that I was not expecting.  A bang that has had me on an emotional and mental rollercoaster-not enjoying it one bit reason why all the goals I had planned for this blog has been in the back burner but I am coming back little by little.  I’ve been back to attending the South Florida Bloggers meetings and I’ll be attending Hispanicize next week.  This is my 2nd year attending and I honestly can’t wait!

So here’s a recap of EVERYTHING that has been going on.

December my boyfriend/fiancée/future hubby who took the father role with Sammy decided he needed a break from it all and left us to do him. To live life.  That turned my world upside down especially like we had made plans to move to Orlando in May of this year. Give Sammy a sibling within the next 2 years and get married.  Now if you’ve been following me long enough you’ll know that Sammy’s biological dad walked out on us when I was 8 weeks pregnant.  This man was the only father Sammy knew since he walked into our life when Sammy was not even 2 months old.  I say knew because kids are smart.  Sammy noticed that he wasn’t around and when he would come around to pick up his mail Sammy would pay no attention to him.  Everybody tells me that it’s a blessing he walked out now and not when Sammy was 5.  Agreed but it still hurts as a mom and as a girlfriend. The companionship is gone.  I come home to an empty apartment. I am alone in picking up the pieces for Sammy and I just as when I was 8 weeks pregnant.  Seeing him walk out like it was all fine and dandy was like deja vu all over again.

If you follow me on Instagram you know my Sammy is currently not with me.  He’s back home with my mom in Dominican Republic.  I miss my Sammy all the time.  When I facetime him every evening and he decides to hang up with me it breaks my heart.  I’ve cried many tears since I left my Sammy.  Daycares here in Broward close at 6:30pm and I work until 9pm.  He used to take care of Sammy and due to him and I not being together anymore and family being far Sammy is living it up in DR while I’m here missing him.  In a way I try to think about the positive effects this has on him: not too attached to me, he’s speaking Spanish, and he is enjoying his Dominican culture, but it’s hard!! I give props to mothers who travel for work and are apart from their kid(s).

Sammy with Grandma in Santiago, DR.

So like we had plans to move to Orlando by the end of April guess who is about to be homeless?!!?  Yup ME!  Ladies and gents unless you see a future with somebody DO NOT sign a contract for a house.  November 2016 we signed contract on a new built house to be ready by April 2017.  December he ends the relationship.  From January to like a week ago I was doing everything in my power to be able to get that house on my own but in the end he went back on his agreement he made with me two weeks earlier and I decided to say good-bye to this house that was costing me my mental health.  So what does that mean?  I have about 3 weeks left to see where Sammy and I will live.  Not fun.  The sooner I can find a home, the sooner I can request work from home, and the sooner my Sammy will be back with me.

In the midst of all this my aunt passed away from Stage 4 Cancer on January 30, 2017.  I can honestly say that with everything I have going on I haven’t even had the time to mourn my aunt.  My aunt was a strong woman who worked with the American Red Cross in DR (she was actually one of the 1st helpers in Haiti when the earthquake hit), gave her time to the community, and had a smile to light up the room.  She was always available for everybody but never took the time to take care of herself and by the time she wanted to it was too late.  She is missed everyday.  I miss her everyday.  I believe her passing taught us that we have to make time to take care of ourselves.  Also, to enjoy every moment because you never know when your last moment will be.  My last memory of her wasn’t very pleasant so I immediately think of her smile.  Ladies take care of yourself!

At my baby shower with my aunt and her daughters. She decorated my 5th year birthday, 15s, and Sammy’s Nautical baby shower.

 

I decided to change my name to my blog after a session I had with Natalie from Wine with Nat.  When I started the blog it was under TravelerSingleMom and I am going back to something like that.  I had forgotten the real reason I started blogging and it was great to be reminded why I decided to start this journey.  Currently in the process of getting help with the website and hopefully by June I’ll have everything to how I want it. In the mean time everything is still the same.

So yes 2017 did not start as expected but it has taught me to have my t’s cross and my i’s dotted.  That at your lowest moment you’ll discover how strong you can be.  I’ve never felt more alone then I do now.  Coming home to an empty house and going to sleep by myself wasn’t something I was looking forward to but its one growing pain I will definitely value.  It has also taught me I basically have no friends which hurts but not everybody is going to be there for you like you would be there for them I guess.  Definetly learning to stand on my own two feet. I got this…somewhat lol!

But when you see me you don’t see a depressed/emotional girl, you’ll get happy Jazmin because at the end of the day you have to dance through the storm and I am dancing to some típico or Bruno Mars jam!

Thank-you for reading!

xoxo

P.S. I dreamt with my aunt last night since her passing and I woke up with a smile.  Thank-you Tia!

 

 

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My 1st Year being a Mom to Sammy

Hello everybody!

I’ve just came to the realization that it has been a year since I’ve become a mother.  A mom.  Still crazy to know that I have somebody calling me, “Ma!” and running up to me every time I walk through the door from work or when he wants his mommy.  This first year has been a whirlwind.  From the moment I held him in my arms it’s been a whirlwind.  Here is how my life (and yours 🙂 ) has changed:

I miss my sleep – Sleep what is that?  Oh yea where you’re supposed to sleep for 8 hours max for that your body can rest.  Ja!  I remember everybody telling me to enjoy my sleep.  I slept  A LOT before his arrival.  Once he arrived I slept when he slept.  Yes I slept with him.  Forget about cleaning bottles, washing clothes, etc.  SLEEP!  Trust me!

Social Life – I was at an event this past weekend and I had to end it early because all I could think about was, “If I leave by now I can at least put Sammy to bed.”  Life before Sammy-I would have been pulling an all nighter.  Yes your social life will change.  Unless your friends have kids, forget about it.  Very rarely will you see them and/or understand your frustration, lack of sleep, worries, etc.  I used to cry like a baby seeing my best friend get dressed and go out while I had to stay home with a newborn.  Not like I was going to go out but it sucked seeing her go and me having to stay.  Do I go out now?  Rarely lol and when I do it’s always with Sammy on my head.  Things definitely do change.

Patience – Those that know me will be the first one to tell you that I have no patience and I still don’t except for my son lol.  You will learn to appreciate the smell of the roses even more.  You will place your phone down to spend some quality time with your baby whether its sitting across from him/her just to see the look on his/her face when they have discovered something new.  You won’t go crazy when they decide to throw a tantrum (yes those do happen before the age of 2!).  Instead you’ll count to 5 and respond to the best of your abilities.

Post-partum depression – It’s real!  It’s not a subject to take lightly.  This sh*t is serious!  You’ll feel overwhelm (I especially did like his father wasn’t present and I was/still am dealing with those emotions).  It’s ok to talk about it and ask for help.  Get out, go for a walk, sit at a park, something!  I stayed in due to the fact Sammy was born in October and then he got a respiratory virus that landed him in the hospital for 3 days.  Early December I grabbed my child, our belongings, and reserved a two night stay at a hotel.  I wanted to be alone with my child, away from it all.  Trust me if I could have packed all of our stuff and driven somewhere new I would have but I didn’t.  Instead I sent a long text to his sperm donor expressing my anger towards him for not being there for his son.  Sammy and I slept, watched tv, and chilled 🙂 .  I think him and I should do that again lol.

Love – The moment you find you’re pregnant it changes your thinking/way of being especially every time you hear their heartbeat and see them via a sonogram.  The moment you hear their first cry into this world it’s an OMG moment.  He/she is finally here!  It’s even more real!  The moment you hold your child, forget it!  You experience a love that I can’t even explain.  Your world will revolve around this child’s happiness and safety.  You will do whatever it takes to give your child everything in your power.  You will experience unconditional love.  A love so deep and profound.

I feel very blessed to be Sammy’s mother who I love dearly and unconditionally.  Being a mother is hard.  Being a parent is hard.  There are no guidebooks and everybody always wants to give their opinion or criticism.  At the end of the day you are the parent, do what feels right to you.  As parents we are not here to please everybody.  We are here to love, protect, guide, teach, provide to our child(ren) to the best of our abilities.  My first year has more blessings then headaches lol and I am grateful for the days that I am able to open my eyes and kiss my Sammy good morning and good night.  Enjoy every moment.  They do grow up fast.

If this is your first year too give yourself a pat on the back.  Here’s to having many years full of tantrums, tears, booboos, and unconditional love.

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xoxo,

JazzyJ

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